"FOOD FIIIGHT !!!"
-John (Bluto) Belushi

 
 
"If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired
with enthusiasm."
-Vince Lombardi (1913-1970)
 
 
"I'm gonna live forever, or die trying"
-Dan D'Alessio
 
 
 
"He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next
exit."
-Unknown
 
           
"This BBS seems to be more fun than a trip to Pittsburgh."
-Snappy Sammy Smoot
 
 
 
"Onward though the fog."
-Oat Willy
 
 
 
"Off with thier heads."
-Red Queen
 
 
 
"Wish I had a decent book of quotes!"
-Sysop
 
 
 
"Zzzzz, Zzzzzz, Zzzzzzz, Zzzzzzzz"
-Ronald Reagan
 
 
 
"Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a
Chrysanthemum."
-P.G. Wodehouse (1911-1975)
 
 
"How can I believe in God when just last week I
got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric
typewriter"
-Woody Allen
 
"If I had been present at creation I would have given
some useful hints."
-Alfonso the Wise (1221-1284)
 
 
"The gods play games with men as balls."
-Titus Maccius Platus (254?-184 B.C.)
 
 
 
"He was a wise man who invented God."
-Plato (427?-348? B.C.)
 
 
 
"Plato is a bore."
- Nietzsche (1844-1900)
 
 
 
"It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he
need not exist in order to save us."
-Peter De Vries
 
 
"Man is a god in ruins."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
 
 
 
"God has always been hard on the poor."
-Jean Paul Marat (1743-1793)
 
 
 
"Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm,
and yet he will be making gods by dozens."
-Montaigne (1553-1592)
 
 
"The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle.
Unless you die of something."
-Guindon cartoon caption
 
 
"If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said `No.'"
-Margaret "Stevie" Smith (1902-1971)
 
 
 
"Few people can be happy unless they hurt some other person,
nation, or creed."
-Bertrand Russel (1872-1970)
 
 
"Religions change; beer and wine remain."
Hervey Allen (1889-1949)
 
 
 
"The chicken probably came before the egg because it is
hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg."
-Unknown
 
 
"In England there are sixty different religions and only one
sauce."
-Francesco Caracciolo (1752-1799)
 
 
"Living with a saint is more grueling than being one."
-Robert Neville
 
 
 
"He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church
he currently did not attend was Catholic."
-Kingsley Amis
 
 
"Everybody should believe is something; I believe I'll
have another drink."
-Unknown
 
 
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief
denied even to prayer."
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)
 
 
"The trouble with born again Christians is that they are an
even bigger pain the second time around."
-Herb Caen
 
 
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe
when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
-Woody Allen
 
 
"It is better to know some of the questions than all
of the answers.
-James Thurber (1894-1961)
 
 
"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to
day basis."
-Margaret Bonnano
 
 
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day
at a time."
-Charles Schultz
 
 
"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full.
Scratch where it itches."
-Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
 
 
"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of
all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the
wrong building."
-Charles Shultz
 
"Life is like an overdue drama through which we sit being
nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews."
-John Updike
 
 
"There is more to life than increasing it's speed."
-Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948)
 
 
 
"Life is like playing the violin in public and learning the
instrument as one goes on."
-Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
 
 
"Life is what happens while your making other plans."
-John Lennon (1940-1980)
 
 
 
"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the
interval."
-George Santayana (1863-1952)
 
 
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?
It is because we are not the person involved."
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)
 
 
"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living
is going down."
-Flip Wilson
 
 
"Is life worth living? That depends on the liver."
-Unknown
 
 
 
"Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily
lying down."
-Woody Allen
 
 
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when
it happens."
-Woody Allen
 
 
"Perhaps there is no life after death... there's just
Los Angeles."
-Rich Anderson
 
 
"Death is nature's way of saying 'Howdy'."
-Unknown
 
 
 
"The best way to get praise is to die."
-Italian proverb
 
 
 
"I wish I was DEAD!  ... Well, no, I don't.  Not Really.
I wish everyone ELSE was dead."
-Calvin (Bill Waterson: Calvin and Hobbes)
 
 
"In the long run we are all dead."
John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946)
 
 
 
"The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor
his heir."
-Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)
 
 
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no
monument than why I have one."
-Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
 
 
"I wonder if anybody ever reached the age of thirty-five in New
England without wanting to kill himself."
-Barrett Wendell (1855-1921)
 
 
"I have had just about all I can take of myself."
-S.N. Behrman (1893-1973) at the age of 75
 
 
 
"When you don't have the money, the problem is food.
When you have money, it's sex. When you have both it's
health. If everthing is simply jake, then you're
frightened of death."
-J.P. Donleavy
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact,
they do so."
-Bertrand Russel(1872-1970)
 
 
"Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father; an act
which made a deep impression on me at the time."
-Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
 
 
"One murder makes a villain, millions a hero."
-Beilby Porteus (1731-1808)
 
 
 
"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes
to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to
drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility
and procrastination."
-Thomas De Quincey (1785-1859)
"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
-Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
 
 
 
"There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in
money, either."
-Robert Graves
 
 
"The writing of more than 75 poems in any fiscal year should
be punishable by a fine of $500."
-Ed Sanders
 
 
"Never eat more than you can lift"
-Miss Piggy
 
 
 
"Punctuality is the thief of time."
-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 
 
 
"Platitudes are the Sundays of stupidity."
-Unknown
 
 
 
"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims."
-Aristotle (383-322 B.C.)
 
 
 
"They were such a progressive couple they tried to adopt
a gay baby."
-Unknown
 
 
"He who marries a widow will often have a dead man's
head thrown in his dish."
-Spanish proverb
 
 
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying
to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
 
 
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment
you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get
to the office."
-Robert Frost (1874-1963)
 
"I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself."
-Montaigne (1533-1592)
 
 
 
"I don't have a warm personal enemy left. They've all died off.
I miss them terribly because they helped define me."
-Claire Boothe Luce
 
 
"I'm lonesome. They are all dying. I have hardly a warm
personal enemy left."
-James McNeill Whistler (1834-1903)
 
 
"Nothing is said that has not been said before."
-Terence (185-159 B.C.)
 
 
 
"I'm in a phone book at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk."
-Unknown
 
 
 
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds
change color and fall from the trees."
-David Letterman
 
 
"My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-
Yiddish-speaking Canada."
-David Stienberg
 
 
"That man has missed something who has never left a brothel
at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of
pure disgust."
-Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)
 
"Gary Cooper and Greta Garbo may be the same person. Have
you ever seen them together?"
- Ernst Lubitsch (1892-1947)
 
 
"I was gratified to be able answer promptly. I said I don't
know."
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)
 
 
"Any fool can make a rule."
-Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
 
 
 
"There are more bores around than when I was a boy."
-Fred Allen (1894-1956)
 
 
 
"Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve
ball straightened out."
-Joe Garagiola
 
 
"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow
man."
-Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
 
 
"It takes a great man to make a good listener."
-Arthur Helps (1813-1875)
 
 
 
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.
They're upstairs in my socks."
-Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
 
 
"I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked
them."
-Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
 
 
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
-Bertrand Russel (1872-1970)
 
 
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation."
-H.H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
 
 
 
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you
want to do."
-Jean-Paul Sarte (1905-1980)
 
 
"I wash everything on the gentle cycle. It's much more
humane."
-Unknown
 
 
"Virtue is its own revenge."
-E.Y. Harburg (1898-1981)
 
 
 
"A good deed never goes unpunished."
-Gore Vidal
 
 
 
"The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike
certain parts of New Jersey."
-Woody Allen
 
 
"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They
rented out my room."
-Woody Allen
 
 
"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb
and clap as they go by."
-Will Rogers (1879-1935)
 
 
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then
he made school boards."
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)
 
 
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
you."
-Unknown
 
 
"I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black
you don't have to tell your mother."
-Charles Pierce